The final installment the series came out the harry potter sex confessions I was 16, and every year since then, I’ve reread the Harry Potter series many times. Seriously people, this series can be filthy.
If I had actually gotten some of these jokes the first time around, I would have blushed and gone to confession like the good Catholic girl that I was when I was younger. I, of course, would also have to explain reading a book about wizardy and witchcraft. From jokes about wandwork to a planet joke that wouldn’t be out of place in a high school locker room, I can’t believe I missed half of these growing up. Below are my seven favorite sex jokes in the Harry Potter series, though I’m sure I’m probably missing a bunch of equally great lines. I guess my next reread will have to be devoted to keeping an eye out for innuendos. I think I’ve got an unexpected planet!
It is Uranus, my dear,” said Professor Trelawney, peering down at the chart. Can I look at Uranus, too, Lavender? Well, you might have been able to fool me when I was 12 J. I’m now older, wiser, and have a much dirtier mind, and I’m calling you out on this.
Harry, for Hermione looked distinctly disheveled, rather as though she had just fought her way out of a thicket of Devil’s Snare. Oh, I’ve just escaped — I mean, I’ve just left Cormac,” she said. Under the mistletoe,” she added in explanation, as Harry continued to look questioningly at her. This isn’t your average book,” said Ron. It’s pure gold: Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches. Explains everything you need to know about girls.
If only I’d had this last year I’d have known exactly how to get rid of Lavender and I would’ve known how to get going with Well, Fred and George gave me a copy, and I’ve learned a lot. You’d be surprised, it’s not all about wandwork, either. It really shouldn’t come as much of a surprise that Ron would be chosen to deliver some of the novel’s best innuendos. I love the idea of Fred and George sitting Ron down, giving him this book, and teaching him all about charming witches, with and without the use of “wandwork. Also please, note that Ron has decided to give Harry this book as a gift mere days before he embarks on a quest to save the entirety of the wizarding world.
She’s got a job at Gringotts to eemprove ‘er Eeenglish —””— and Bill’s been giving her a lot of private lessons,” sniggered Fred. Eemprove ‘er Eeenglish,” is that what the kids are calling it these days? Considering Fleur would eventually become Mrs. Bill Weasley, you can bet these two were up to a little bit more than English lessons.
Not that I blame either of them: Fleur is a gorgeous French half-Veela, and Bill is a long-haired, adventurous professional curse breaker. Why wouldn’t they be all over each other? One of my favorite reoccurring images of Half-Blood Prince is Harry’s inner lust-monster that seems to pop up whenever Ginny is around. When some people try to deal with their sudden raging hormones, they may feel jealous or infatuated. When Harry starts to deal with his raging hormones, he feels like he has some sort of insatiable beast living inside him that will only be satisfied when he has ripped his competition limb from limb and has claimed his mate. Have you been spying on him, too? What d’you do, sneak up here in the evenings to watch the Prefects take baths?